The cat has been gone for 3 days now and life has not been quite the same. I don't know how many times when i walked up the stairs to my room, expecting to hear him meow from behind door greeting me, only to find the door ajar and room quiet. I have forgotten how lonely cat-less nights are.

No funny "midnight madness" where he would just dash from one corner to another like the devil's on his tail suddenly. No furry bundle of claws and teeth nesting up my neck. No beseeching looks outside the toilet cupboard. No heavy, hot weight lying on my lap as i sit at the computer. No one to play esso tiger with. No shredded fur dusting my bed covers, dresser, toilet sink. No hide and seek in my worerobe. No chasing him round the room when he misbehaves. No waking up to "alarm" calls from the toilet. No contented little sighs as he curled up on the pillow next to me. No pouncing on insects such as bugs and tiny cockroaches. No hiding under the duvet whenever i tuck myself in. No stretching on the floor. No scratching on my drawer. No biting. No nibbles.

No longer having to think about putting the toilet seat cover down. (He dropped in once you see...). No longer having to keep the shower stall doors closed (it may get his paws wet and wet paws plus litter box equal messy floors). No longer having to keep the tap dripping when i'm brushing my teeth (since he hate drinking from the bowl, probably because water becomes stale). No longer having to tie up my curtains (or else he would play with it and leave behind holes). No longer having to put my clips, rubber bands and rings into their boxes (since he tends to play and bite them, inevitably they will end up under my bed).

So many things i don't have to do now. Yet i still do. Habits i have cultivated since the cat came into my life. Rules i made other people follow when they stepped into my room. At times, it is unnerving to be in my room alone and suddenly thought i heard his bell ringing, like the way it would as he jumped from the sink to the ground. I would look out the window, peering into the darkness hoping to see some cat wandering outside on the road.

I have been cycling around my estate the last 2 days after midnight, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Perhaps he is under some drain or car and would come out at night to look for food. I met many cats but none with a green collar and a silver bell. None with a sagging tummy and fluffy fur on the belly. None obese and fat that will need a diet.

Giving out flyers to my neighbours. Defacing public properties by putting up illegal lost posters at bus stops. Hounding AVA and SPCA. Putting up notice on internet websites. Being suspicious of my neighbours. Hypersensitive to every cat cries in the neighbourhood.

I don't deal very well with loss i think.